One more

I just had to add one more that just happened. We just had lunch, and while eating Bethany said, "Whoooooo! There I let the air out of my boobs, so I can fit more in there."

~The girls have been really into using their imaginations and playing with the Fisher Price Little People toys a lot lately. They have the house, boat, car, farm, and tons of animals and people. The other day Aaron and I overheard them playing and we heard, "Quick! Everyone into the boat! There's an oil spill!" Hmmm, do you think we have had the news on too much lately?

~Every night we all sit on the couch and read stories before bed. Shea of course must do everything by herself, so she reads her story to us. No, she can't read. She makes it up as she goes. Well last night she was taking like 20 minutes to read her book. By the time she got to the last page, Aaron blurted out, "And they lived happily ever after. The end." Shea gave him an evil look and just said, "Not quite." It was funny to us.

~Same night as I am tucking Shea into bed, she suddenly looks stricken and in a weak pathetic voice tells me, "Mommy, I don't feel well." I asked her what's wrong. She replied, "I need diamonds, mommy."

I have been slacking. The kids have been saying so many hilarious things lately, and I have probably forgotten half of them. Hopefully they will come back to me so I can write about them. Some of the ones I do remember are:

~At a BBQ on the 4th of July, we ate a LOT! After eating tons of food and dessert, Bethany came up to me and claimed she was hungry again. I asked her, "How can you still be hungry? We ate so much food, your belly must be filled up to the top!" Her reply was, "Yes, but my boobies aren't filled up yet."

~Bethany and Shea were playing doctor and Shea had the stethescope and was examining one of her baby dolls. Bethany was supervising. Then I hear, "No Shea! The heart is in the boobs, not the tummy!"

~"Daddy, you need to listen to mommy!" ~Random comment by Shea

~One evening Bethany asked me whats for dinner. I told her chicken and rice. She said, "What's wice?" Shea tells her "Rice Benny! You try rice before and you like it!" Bethany tells her, "No Shea. Mommy said Wice. WUH WUH WIIIIICE."

~One day I put on Shea's shirt that has a picture of a caterpillar on the front. She was very excited about it, and was showing everyone. Bethany randomly decides to tell her, "Shea, tadpoles turn into frogs." Shea tells her, "No Benny. Caterpillars turn into butterflies!" Bethany: "But tadpoles turn into frogs!" Shea starts to get irritated, "No Benny! Caterpillars turn into butterflies!!!!" Bethany gets louder, "Sheaaaaa! I'm telling you just that tadpoles turn into frogs!!" They kept arguing back and forth until they were yelling at each other about this. A half hour argument about this.

~We recently went to my grandparents house to visit with them for the day. While there, we saw a lizard on their picnic table on the back porch. My grandma set them up on little stools by the back door so they could watch it. Bethany suddenly announced, "There's 2 lizards now! What are they doing?" We go over to see, and my Grandma told her, "They are making babies." (Thanks a lot Grandma!) Once we got home, Bethany wanted to know why the lizard got on top of the other lizard to make the babies. Then she told me we need to go back and see the babies.

~Same visit, we were sitting down to eat, and Grandpa Greg got up and said, he forgot to get his pill that he needs to take with dinner. Bethany asked us, "Why does Grandpa Greg need a pillow?" Grandma laughed and told her, "Grandpa Greg is shrinking in his old age and need to sit on a pillow to see over the table." Well, Bethany takes everything extremely literally, so once Grandma told her that, you could not convince her otherwise. Grandpa Greg came back to the table, and Bethany promptly asked him why he is getting so old that he has to sit on a pillow to eat.

Must document this comment in case it is the last time she ever admits I am right. Bethany: "you know what mommy? I decided to go ahead and use toilet paper to wipe the pee off of my butt, and you were right! I DO need to use toilet paper!" (I have been trying to convince her of this for ages.)

Bethany: "I was holding my pee in my butt for a long time, mommy. I didn't see the Wonder Pets show on before, so I had to wait a long time to pee." (She waited to go pee until Wonder Pets was over.

While playing dress up, Shea came out dressed to the nines. Bethany tried to pick up her flowers, and Shea told her, "No Benny! You not a princess!! Only me!"

Bethany to Shea: "Okay S. It's time for DISCO!!!"

And private parts are still on her mind! At a friends house the other day, Bethany noticed their boxer dog's private parts. The dog (Gunner) is a male who has been fixed. Bethany was staring hard at the dogs butt and finally said, "Mommy, Gunner's buhjiba looks crazy!"

I get my hair dyed. I naturally have mousy brown hair, but lately I have been having it dyed darker brown with chunks of blond and red on top. At the dinner table Bethany was saying that my hair looks so pretty. Shea said, "You hair so pretty mommy, it looks like ketchup."

We live not too far from my own Grandparents, and my girls just love them so much. As an Army family they have not had the opportunity to live near any grandparents or aunts and uncles until this past year. They love both Grandma and Grandpa Greg very much but they know that they have Grandpa Greg wrapped around their little fingers. They will ask to call them, so I dial and as soon as Grandma answers they ask for Grandpa Greg. When he gets on the phone they will use their sweet innocent voices and say, "Gwampa Greg? you come ober to my house?" And he will clear his schedule! On days he has to work, Bethany has told him to call her, so he does on his dinner break! They have him trained!

One thing about my grandparents is that they are coffee addicts! In the morning, after meals, in the evening, afternoon, just about anytime. It is not uncommon to hear my Grandma with her New York accent yelling, "Greg! You want your coffee now?" Maybe that is why Shea has begun greeting me in the morning with, "Mommy! I need my coffee!" Also she pretends to give her babies bottles of coffee. "Ok baby! Time to drink you coffee now!" When I give her a cup of juice she will also tell everyone that she is drinking her coffee.

On another note, I get endless material from my kids when they are in the bathtub. Oh the things you should not have to tell another person not to do! I can't just make a list because I have the memory of a goldfish, and there will likely be more material in the future, so for now I will just throw them in whenever and try to number them. Today's is #1, and I have sadly had to say this one more than a few times to my kids.
#1 "Do not lick your sisters butt!"

~ Last night as I was cooking dinner, Bethany was sitting at the dining room table playing with a little toy giraffe, little dinosaur, and a little people woman. The woman was the mom, the giraffe was the Dad and the dinosaur was the kid. And her pretend play sounds just like our real life! lol
Mom: Dinosaur, go to your room, right now!
Dinosaur: No!
Mom: what have I told you about that?
Dinosaur: No!
Giraffe: Do you think I'm messing around with you?! Get in your room now!

~Last night at Dinner: Shea- "Mommy cooks the bestest foods!" :D

~This morning while playing outside with her friends, Landon and Jade. They were playing in the dirt pretending to cook. Landon asked Shea, "Will you marry me?" Shea replied, "Not right now! I makin dinner." Landon will make a good little husband. Shea already orders him around and he obeys! Recently he arrived at our house and Shea walked over and shoved a baby doll in his arms and ordered him to hold the baby. Then she went back to her room. He did hold onto that baby until Shea came back and took the baby back from him.

"I wish I could be a bird so I can eat clouds" said wistfully by Bethany... "CWOWDS! NOM NOM NOM!" ~ said in a scary monster voice by Shea

"Daddy, I got poops in my butt, are we home YET!" ~Shea

At the dinner table:
Me: Just taste your broccoli"
Bethany and Shea: I don't like broccoli
Me: They are little trees! You can pretend you are a giant and you are eating up all the trees!"
Bethany: Nope!
Me: thinking... "You know, broccoli makes you fart. If you eat broccoli, you will be farting a lot.
Shea: ( picking up the broccoli) I want farts!! (eating it) Now I can make farts, but not Benny cuz she not eat her broccoli. Benny, eat you broccoli so you can have farts! Only mommy and Daddy and me can have farts.

Bethany came to me requesting a band aid for her little toy zebra. I asked her why he needed one. She said because he is bleeding. I asked her how he got hurt. Her reply:
"I was throwing him at the ceiling and he hit his ear on a ladybug, and the ladybug went crunch, and her spots fell off, and zebra landed on one and slipped, and it scraped his stripes off and he was bleeding."

At the dining room table: "Nana, tell Shea to stop pissing me off!" ~Bethany

We took the kids to Barnes & Noble to do some book shopping. Bethany tells me she needs to go potty, so I tell her "Let's go." Shea hears this and says that she needs to go too. So off we go. Bethany goes into one stall and Shea and I go into another. I help Shea sit on the toilet. She sits for about 3 seconds then hops off and says "I pooped!" I look and tell her, "No, there's no poop." So she sits again for another 3 seconds, then hops off and again tells me, "I pooped!" I look again and tell her, "No, still no poop." She says, "Mommy, you sure?" then proceeds to stick her head inside of the toilet bowl for a better look. As I am getting her to get her head out, I hear Bethany yell out, "Mommy! There's a brown spot on my underpants!" That's when I hear quiet laughter coming out of the stall in between ours and Bethany's. So I get them finished up, and take them to the sink to wash their hands. Bethany stops to examine a metal box on the wall and loudly spells out, "T-A-M-P-O-N-S. Mommy, what does that spell?" I tell her is spells Tampons. She asks for some money to put in the slot. I tell her those are for big big girls. She says, "But I'm a big girl!" I tell her it's for big girls like mommies. Shea says, "I a big girl!" So Bethany naturally has to set the record straight, "No Shea! You are not a big girl yet. I'm a big girl." I choose to shuffle them out the door before Bethany remembers that she wants to get Tampons. As we walk out the door, my husband asks, "What took so long?"

My mother-in-law is visiting, and today she got her first taste of Shea's sassyness. We were leaving the frozen yogurt shop and Shea refused to hold mother in law's hand while we walked to the car. So my mother in law picked her up and tried to put her in her car seat. So Shea did the dead weight thing and slithered to the floor of the car to be sure she wasn't doing anything that somebody else wants her to do. I am used to this, so I finished helping Bethany into the car and came over to get Shea in. Mother in law told her she needed to stop this. Then Shea told her, "Nana! You better drop the attitude!" I wanted to laugh so bad. It was so hard to keep a straight face.

Today I took the kids to the McDonalds playland, and Bethany introduced me to everyone there, telling them, "This is my mother, but everyone just calls her Amanda."

Just a couple of phrases

Their latest phrases they have been saying a lot:

Bethany: "Excuuuuuuse me! Can I squeeze a word in!?"

Shea: When I tell her to do something, "Yah yah yah"

Such sassy little girls!

A while back some of the phrases they were coming up with were:

Bethany saying "Great Scott!" about everything.

Another Bethany one: "Shea, variety is the spice of life."

Also Bethany telling Shea, "Shea, did you know that I was a baby in mommy's tummy for a whole day in Georgia?"

Follow ups on the Private parts discussion

Apparently the discussion about buh-jiba's and beenis's has them thinking. Especially Bethany. Here are the follow ups to that discussion.

~2 days after she discovered that boys have a beenis, I was driving her to school, and I could see her face in the rear view mirror. She was obviously thinking hard about something. But she was nice enough to wait until I was handing here over to her teacher to ask, "Mommy, Daddy is a boy, right?" Yes. "So, does Daddy's buh-jiba look like (friends sons name)?" So I had to pull her aside and answer her questions, then remind her that we don't talk about that at school.

~Then on Friday, Bethany and Shea were having a great time killing flies with the "fly slapper". Then they each picked out a dead fly and put them in tupperware containers with an apple slice they salvaged from dinnertime. Bethany named her fly "Tyler", and Shea named her fly "Mrs. Margaret" after her preschool teacher. Then Bethany asked me if her fly has a buh-jiba.

~ Today I see Bethany grabbing at Shea's "boobies", so I ask her, "What are you doing?" She tells me, "Playing with Shea's boobies!" I tell her that boobies are private, so leave Shea's alone. Then she say, "But mommy, I LOVE playing with privates!" Sigh....

Just a few that have happened recently. Over time I may recall some things that happened a year ago or longer and record them too.

My neighbor just had a baby boy recently. When the neighbor came over to show us her baby, my girls "Ooohed" and "Aaaahed" over him. Then Bethany turned to her and said, "Good job! You hatched him out of your belly!"

Sticking with the same theme, earlier today I was on facebook looking at my sisters page. My sister is 7 months pregnant with her first baby. Bethany was sitting next to me and asked me, "How old is she?" I told her that she is 21. Bethany then said, "Oh. I thought she was 30." I asked her why she thought so. She told me, "Because mommy!! You told me that you have to be 30 to have a baby in your tummy!" It's true. When she saw the neighbors baby, she was saying she wanted a baby in her tummy, and I told her she had to wait until she is 30. Oops.

I was at Target last week with Shea. Shea was walking next to the cart while we shopped. Everything was fine until we passed the lingerie section. That is where Shea fell in love with a huge leopard print with black lace bra. Once I broke the news to her that I was not going to buy her the bra, she then lay on the floor clutching the bra and screaming, "I want the boobie clothes!!!"

A while back I taught Bethany that the proper word for her privates is "vagina". She pronounces it "Buh-jiba" (the i sounds like "eye"). well fast forward to yesterday. I was watching my friend's 2 year old son. I lay him down to change his diaper, and Bethany came along, looked over, and got this look of horror on her face. She said, "Oh no!!! Mommy look at his buh-jiba!!" So I finished changing him and he ran off to play. Then I explained to her that boys have a penis, not a vagina. Thats when Shea piped up and says in her know it all tone, "Yah, Benny! Boys have a beenis!" Then I talked to them about what is appropriate and all that.

I was sitting at the table working on some school work when I could hear Bethany approaching from behind me, and I heard the unmistakable sound of a Popsicle wrapper. The child had already had 3 and I had told her no more! So I told her, "I am closing my eyes! When I open my eyes, I had better not see a Popsicle in your hand!" So I counted to 3, then opened my eyes. Bethany was standing in front of me with a serious expression on her face and her hands behind her back. So I played along. "Bethany, is there something that you need?" She stood there a moment thinking hard, then slowly said, "Well mommy, have you noticed how hot it is...? I just started laughing out loud. I couldn't help myself.

Introduction of the kids

I have some of the silliest kids around. People have been telling me forever to write down the things they do and say, and I keep thinking, "I really should so I can remember these things when they are grown. I keep putting it off. So although I suck at keeping up with blogging, I am really going to try to remember to write it down here. Let me warn you in advance, there may be things that you consider tmi. The point of this blog is for ME to remember these silly things so I can share them with them when they are grown. I love to share these tales with friends and anyone else, but I am not going to censor things to please others. So if you are appalled that one of the stories I am about to share is about teaching my daughter that boys have a penis, then you may chose not to read this blog.

That said, let me tell you about my girls. I have a 5 year old. Bethany is a sweet girl with long blond hair and big blue eyes. She is on the autism spectrum, but is very high functioning. My younger daughter, Shea. Anyway, Shea is a tiny little girl with a crazy mop of curly short blond hair. She is very strong willed and some of my friends call her "Baby Stewie because she is very smart and always looks like she is plotting evil. But she can also be a sweetheart too.